Passing, and Stressing Out About It — Not

I love being female. I wish I also look 100% female. However, I don’t. To someone who knows what to look for, and who pays attention, I’ll never look as if I were a genetically integrated girl.

I do what I reasonably can, but I have realistic expectations. Looking female to 100% of the people all of the time is not realistic.  I have so far on three occasions been classified as a lady by a stranger whom I met in public.  I liked that.  So, I’m in the range above 0% and below 100% and that’s where I’ll probably always be.

I like avoiding the stress that comes with an expectation of 100%.

Me, in my favorite dressAnother thing that I don’t stress out about is whether or not any particular encounter with a stranger is going to result in that person classifying me as female or male based on how I look.  If a stranger classifies me as female based on my looks, great.  If not, that means I have some additional improvement to do, assuming that enough improvement might have tipped the scale in that particular encounter.  I’m a work in progress.

A friend of mine pointed out to me that as transgender girls go, I don’t look as feminized as some, or many, do.  I agree. The thing is, I don’t want to live my life in the psychological shadows, longing for the day when I finally manage to look and sound female to a large enough fraction of random strangers — and to be miserable until I finally do, if ever.

Me, in my favorite dressWere I to pass convincingly and get hit on, I’d end up having to tell the person: “I appreciate the attention but you should know I’m transgender so that, if you have issues with that, we can get the issue out of the way right now.”  I suspect that this can get tedious so I’m sort of glad I don’t have that problem either.  I like to date exceptionally attractive ladies (yes, I’m predominantly gay — a girl who likes girls) and I see how they have to deal with an endless stream of come-ons. This can become a chore.

Regardless, my particular approach is to basically look good as my first priority and feminized as my second priority.  This means having healthy & straight teeth, healthy hair, healthy skin, a healthy shape and so on.  Also, there are things that can make a girl look older, such as wrinkles and folds on her face.  And, some things are purely cosmetic, such as the size and shape of a nose. All of these things deserve my attention.

The looking-good agenda, if achieved better than the feminizing agenda, would result in someone who basically looks somewhat male and somewhat female, but who looks good regardless — at least to bisexual people — including myself.  When I look in the mirror, I want to be able to be happy with progress.  Other indications of success are sincere compliments, and clients who are interested in paying to have me model sexy lingerie for them.

To my delight, I seem to have this aspect under control. I’m happy with what I see in the mirror, and I get enough good feedback from others to be reasonably certain that I’m not the only person whose opinion is positive as such.  I have a good maintenance routine so that things don’t degenerate.

Next, I’m focusing on the feminizing aspect.

As to my personal look:

  • I’ve had my Adam’s Apple removed.
  • I’ve waxed the hair on my body into near-oblivion
  • I manage my nails’ health and length
  • I’m growing my hair long
  • I’m taking hormones that help prevent my hairline from being male
  • I have my eyebrows waxed
  • I’m applying a chemical to help my eyelashes be long
  • I am methodically getting the hair on my face and neck lasered into oblivion
  • I have had facial filler injected to have my face shaped to be more feminized
  • I’ve had my eyes surgically changed to look more feminized
  • I’ve had my nose made smaller to look more feminized

As to what I wear:

  • I wear jewelry such as bangles, necklaces and earrings
  • I wear only female clothing
  • I wear only female or androgynous shoes
  • I wear make-up

As to how I move:

  • I wear high-heeled shoes much of the time, and I practice walking elegantly in them
  • I practice dance moves
  • I practice sexy poses
  • I photograph and video record myself, play it back and learn what to improve
  • I watch photographs and videos of girls who move or pose in ways that I like

As to how I sound:

  • I listen to females whose voice style elements I would like to include
  • I listen to voice training recordings
  • I practice my own voice feminization
  • I sing in my feminized voice
  • I record myself talking and singing, play it back and learn what to improve

This might sound like hard work, but I actually enjoy it a lot.

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