It Gets Better

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T-girls tend to deal with many issues: the internal struggle while trying to figure out what’s going on, then the decision as to coming out or not, then all the interpersonal difficulties in coming out, and then all the challenges of living as a girl after trying for many years to do the exact opposite.

Been there, done that.

But, it helps to compartmentalize. At least I got my weight under control. At least my one client accepts me. At least I now understand what I am. At least my hair is now long. And so on. All these little victories add up until one day, life is simply good.

… in spite of all the problems and issues that had to be overcome. They just gradually matter less and less as they become ever dimmer memories …

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The Myth of Full Transformation

A friend of mine asked if I will go for a “full transformation”, if I have not already done so (meaning: surgery ‘down there’).

My reply (essentially):

Intellectual clarity tends to stand or fall based on the quality of the definitions used.

The difference between a transgender girl and a cross-dresser is fundamental. Both might have male plumbing and might look nice, dressed as a girl — but their brain structures are on the opposite sides of the gender fence. One is fundamentally a girl, and one is a guy. The gender identity for each person is based on the respective brain wiring. The person’s plumbing doesn’t play a role in the determination.

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Normally, male plumbing means male hormones including in the brain, hence male brain wiring. But, the cause of a transgender girl is that during fetal development, a split occurred and the brain development never switched to male (initially, very early on, all fetal development is female).

That has been the hardest thing for me (and others) to come to grips with: that what I see in the mirror, below the belt … it doesn’t define gender.

The shape of the reproductive system has been basic to the historic, intuitively reasonable-seeming, superficial definition. It’s popular with folks who prefer simple answers. Their premise is: “if you have male-shaped private parts, you’re a guy.”

The “based on brain structure” definition makes more sense only when carefully pondered.

It’s sort of like the controversy about the shape of the earth. It certainly doesn’t look like a ball, from a superficial perspective. The flat-earth premise is the historic, intuitively reasonable, superficial one. And yet, when carefully pondered. the scale tips in favor of the round-earth premise.

Applying the better definition, I’m fully a girl, whether or not I have male-shaped private parts.

Being female isn’t something I’ll finally attain 100% after surgery ‘down there.’ Female is what I am, 100%, and have been every day since my life began.

Surgery ‘down there’ is simply something that I can choose to add to the mix, or not. I happen to have the size and shape of private parts about which many past romantic partners (which means: all females) have said nice things, and my current romantic partner has explained to me that me going for surgery ‘down there’ would be like painting over the Mona Lisa just so as to have a clean canvas on which to do a new painting.

In addition to her argument, there are other considerations: the flavor of surgery that I’d choose (the Suporn technique) requires a month-long stay in Thailand, costs close to $20K, and is dangerous while the surgery is being done.

Then, there are other risks too. A friend of mine is a gorgeous transgender girl and she got ‘the surgery’ done, so now from every angle her shape is basically female, by any standard. She has no lack of people who are enthused to bang her like a cheap tin drum, and she has enthusiastically embraced such advances. In the process, she has put more stress on her new body part than it was designed (literally) to handle, so it tore and got infected. She spent a long time in the hospital, and she very nearly died.

Would I be able to exercise better self-control? Probably not.

So, having a V instead of a P isn’t simply an all-benefits proposition for a transgender girl, even if the requests from one’s P-happy romantic partner were left out of the decision.

There’s also the question of orgasmic pleasure. The way I am right now, I can, um, experience it from both ends. Were the front part removed, then my hope would be that the nerves get rerouted to where the new arrangement can still yield orgasm. But, will it really? Will it feel as good? And, what if it doesn’t? There’s no “undo” button for that surgery.

Also, that surgery removes the testicles and due to that, a switch to female hormones becomes essential. That sort of thing has to be precisely managed. Badly managed hormones can cause massive weight gain, brittle bones or (quite often) death. I have had too many conversations with guys who had a transgender girlfriend who went on female hormones and alas, now she’s dead. That development is mentioned with a “yeah, it happens a lot” sort of premise that is almost casual. That scares me.

Besides, my current hormone situation costs me $0 per day.  I get a perfect blend of hormones from my brain and privates, as they are today.  And, I can look feminine enough even so (not least thanks to modern-day aesthetic facial surgery, yay!)

There’s a Russian artist named Dmitrys who draws adult-material sexy characters who are simultaneously gorgeous girls and yet their privates definitely have a male shape. Such girls are called “Futanari” or “Futa.”

As the years go by, that look might well become accepted socially as one more type of people, in everyday culture. Right now, however, I don’t think the culture in America (including the small town where I live) is quite ready for a tall, leggy blonde with a curvy ass — and a bulge ‘down there.’

I actually see a lot of merit to that look being public, though. One of the problems we see in transgender subculture is that a straight guy is afraid (as in homophobically afraid) that he might boff a hot girl and then later find out that the girl is a transgender girl. By his convoluted homophobic premises, that then makes the guy gay and that’s all the transgender girl’s fault and so the transgender girl ends up murdered.

I much prefer the premise of telling folks early on in sexual or social engagements that a transgender girl is a transgender girl, myself included. However, if the issue announces itself with a bulge in one’s jeans, that tends to make the issue clear right up front with no need for a formal announcement.

Logically: if a transgender girl exists, that means: there exists a person with a female brain (and female cultural looks, to the extent she can make that happen). And, she has male-shaped privates. Under clothes, such body parts tend to make a bulge. A combination of facts shouldn’t add up to something that’s socially objectionable. And yet, such are the social norms, today.

So, as I venture out in the world, when I’m going to wear tight clothing in public, I often prepare my privates by using duct tape to keep things, um, in line. And, if it’s ever necessary to speak up so as to avoid confusion, I tell folks that I’m a transgender girl.

Fortunately, I’m tall enough and muscular enough with large enough hands and feet, and a male-enough jawline and brow line. So, it’s pretty apparent to most folks that there’s some maleness somewhere. I used to dislike my male-looking aspects, but now I realize that it saves me from having to tell guys “thank you for hitting on me, but before we proceed it’s important for you to know that my privates are male-shaped so if you’re enthused about transgender girls then why yes, thank you, I do accept your social invitation.”

So, to come back to your question: I still have a male-shaped privates and yet I’ve already accomplished as full a transformation as basically possible, courtesy of Mother Nature: my brain is female.

But, I have some male-shaped body aspects: my privates, large hands and large feet. Surgery might or might now be able to feminize each of these to an extent that makes sense. So, I’ll never be able to look like a genetically integrated girl. By that standard, I’ll never be able to transition fully. In that sense, really, no transgender can. Even if she achieved external feminization 100% then she’d still have XY or XXY chromosomes at the cellular level. So she’d also have to have gene therapy so as to transition fully.

So, the “transition fully” in an absolute sense is non-viable for a transgender girl. What remains are simply a set of decisions as to how much of an aesthetically female look it makes sense for her to accomplish by funding surgery.

Regardless, she’s a girl as to her brain structure, so based on the better definition, she’s fundamentally a girl, 100%.  Surgery to reshape her private parts is in the same category as surgery to make her Adam’s apple go away, or to make her hands or her feet smaller. It doesn’t “complete” her.