What do I think of, when it’s early morning and I’m sort of half-asleep still? Sometimes, I have sexy fantasies. Sometimes, I don’t. This morning was one of those “wow, this transgender girl must be hard as nails and cold as ice” days.
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I woke up thinking there’s a design flaw in the database that I made for myself to manage my pictures and videos. I use Picasa, which is a really great and free (thank you, Google) image management system but I like controlling my own data in ways Picasa doesn’t. Because I make custom business database software systems for a living, I made one for myself, to manage the albums, links, locations, outfits, ratings and so on. This prevents it from all becoming an overwhelming blur of data. So, an hour later, I had the design flaw identified and the software fixed. Yay! This approach means I get to enjoy the same benefits my software clients do — a streamlined, clean business processes.
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A certain part of the populace believes that violence against girls like me is OK. In fact, as a demographic sub-group, transgender girls are the targets of violence to a vast extent compared to ANY other sub-group. Intellectual opposition has its time and place, but if someone initiates violence against me I intend to defend myself vigorously instead of trying to reason with them. I’ve gone through a personal defense training regiment and I’m officially licensed to carry a concealed weapon — and I cheerfully do, strictly for purposes of self-defense, meaning: even if someone calls me every name in the book, they’re welcome to their opinion and of course, my pistol remains holstered.
I have good pistol-wielding skills but I like to make sure I’m ready enough. My trainer taught me that an attacking adult human can cover a distance of 20 feet in about 2 seconds, so assuming the hostilities begin at that distance, that’s the time I have available to draw, take the safety off, point and shoot. I don’t plan to ever point and then wait while someone is rushing towards me. I don’t expect that, as in the movies, the attacker will magically lose his momentum and aggression, freeze, introspect, reconsider, become a better human and depart, while happy theme music plays in the background.
The process of moving the slide back and forward so as to chamber a round can make too big a difference. It’s good for me to make sure, every now and then, that there really is a bullet in the chamber already whether I have just cleaned the gun or practiced with it. This way, once the gun is in my hand, one thumb movement gets the safety off and I’m ready to exercise my right to self-defense. This morning involved such a “be ready” exercise. Good enough.
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I had a good conversation with a friend to whom I’d sent a “coming out” email. I love how this sort of thing can bring out the best in good people — calm, logical, benevolent reactions.
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Many men have strong sexual fantasies about being with a transgender girl. They often feel bad about these, so they repress them. The science of psychology tells us that repression is the magic ingredient needed to make something like this become an obsession.
I sell sexy lingerie shows, not sex — so I am a good choice for men who are taking a cautious first step in the direction of permitting themselves to finally give in to their obsession and interact with a girl like me, in person, in a sexually-themed way.
As a result, I get to observe the first-timer’s psychological enthusiasm curve. There’s a clear pattern. In the beginning, it’s wild enthusiasm. Typically, I don’t like to meet someone for an in-person modeling session during that part of the getting-acquianted process. I prefer to wait until I’ve had some time to get to know them via email. By that time, a few days into it, they’ve given themselves the okay as to the idea of actually meeting me. By then, the “forbidden fruit” aspect is gone, and often what remains of their enthusiasm is … not even enough to want to meet me any more.
Could be that it’s just me and something about me turned them off, but I don’t have any specific cause to think so. I’ve seen this pattern happen again and again with, specifically, first-timers. Clients other than first-timers have a totally different enthusiasm curve.
Now that I know what I do, if I were a genetically integrated girl who found out that her boyfriend or husband is sexually obsessed with transgender girls like me, I’d encourage him to simply go make an appointment and see what it’s like. My guess is that the permission would greatly reduce the obsession.