I make complex custom database software for a living, and I just finished a new version for a client this morning. And I’m sleep-deprived and want to take a nap, but before my nap I wanted to wind down. I play online chess to do that.
I just played a game. I was doing really well, being careful and methodical, and then I decided to move my queen (the most powerful piece) and then decided “No, that’s not where I want to put it, I need to think up a better plan yet.” So, I intended to put it back where it was before, but I slipped and put it on the actual board, in a valid but very bad spot. It was an official move, and it counted, and there’s no do-over in chess, just like in real life. Dangit!!
So, from then it was all downhill in a predictable way, and I lost the game.
This was, to me, a good analogy for real life. One’s freedom and health are paramount, like the queen in a chess game. Lose that and things continue but in a much more limited way and you’re basically not in control and then things get worse and worse and overwhelming and then the end happens sooner and unpleasantly, with little glory.
Telling the universe “gosh, there was just this one huge mistake” isn’t much consolation.
I have a friend who is wonderful and thoughtful and deliberate and brilliant but she chose to do something that was illegal though totally within her rights, and for that activity she chose a date that ended up causing her major problems later on in life. Another friend who is less brilliant but certainly deserves better than she got, did several things in a combination, all of which were impressively illegal and yet she was totally within her rights, and by “rights” I mean basic human fundamental rights, not whatever the local law enforcement folks happen to consider to be someone’s rights. In fact, the local law enforcement folks are typically the largest violator of rights when it comes to people doing with their own bodies things that they have every human right to do, but right or wrong, if it violates some or other dumb law they might even so end up being arrested. This happened to my friend. The local law enforcement folks made her pay a five-figure fine and took away her car and freedom for a while. And until that one isolated incident her life was wonderful.
I’ve also exchanged emails with some people who were thoughtful and smart and yet had made just one mistake too many, and they ended up being HIV positive. One mistake is all it takes.
I mention this because for many t-girls, we live our sexual and social life repressed, and when we finally break free we’re so sexually and socially wild that we’re often not cautious enough. It’s sort of like someone escaping from where they’ve been wrongly imprisoned and then while crossing the main road they get run over. It’s sort of extra sad.
I’m all for being wild and free but doing so in a way that enables you to avoid looking back and saying “that was a big mistake, and I wish I could have a do-over.”
For example, the things I’ve done have inspired many to say “wow” but I did them while actively trying to manage the legality and safety issues. It’s sort of like driving faster than the legal speed limit. If your car is safe enough, and so is the road, and you’re a good enough driver and highly unlikely to get a fine, then I’m all for it.