I am transgender female. I started out with a female brain, male-shaped private parts and a body that otherwise looked neither particularly male nor female, which is typical for a situation prior to puberty.
At puberty, things developed in the wrong direction relative to my brain sex, which is: female.
Any transition that I do now is in terms of specific looks and sounds and social aspects, to the extent viable, so that I look and sound and behave more like the female that I basically am.
I’m neither proud of being a transgender girl nor ashamed of it. My situation is what it is, and I’m dealing with it in the same way as one deals with the pros and cons of being a genetically integrated male or female.
I have become immersed in transgender culture — going to a public movie show on it, speaking in public informally and formally, going to support groups, posting on websites, etc. One observation I’m making is that confusion on definitions seems rife even in transgender-friendly people.
Rather than me providing the average or official opinion, which might at some point lead to contradiction and confusion, here’s what I’ve figured out logically. My premise is different from what I read in the official definitions due to my emphasis on mental structure a.k.a. brain sex, and what changes when a person transitions.
Intersexed (formerly named hermaphrodite) births are a type of genetic mutation in the same general way as albinos and four-leaf clovers and black panthers. Sometimes the private parts of a newborn has signs of both genders; other times the conflict is between the brain structure and the shape of the reproductive organs. The latter is the best definition I have read or come up with as to the transgender condition.
Male and female brains are structurally different. A transgender person like me was born with a female brain and a male-shaped body parts “down there,” so at puberty my body developed into the shape of the wrong gender due to the effects of the hormones that were being produced due to having a male-shaped reproductive system.
What defines a person’s gender most meaningfully is their brain and so I’ve always been female. I’m now just changing the cosmetics and audio and style to be more in line with that.
On that premise, I’ve never been male. There’s no sex change or crossing the gender line or becoming female — I’ve always been.
Some things I can never change: my XY chromosomes, my height, my large hands and feet, the shape of the back of my skull. Some things I might not want to change or can’t afford to.
One big unspoken issue is “hey, or maybe you’re just nuts and imagining it all” and when that subject comes up, then I elaborate if the request is polite. It’s an awkward but fair question. I have answers and am happy to explain them.
My attitude: in a word … Yay!
They were being mean, but they were also being insightful. It took me decades to conclude what they’d concluded on fairly casual observation. Once I did, dozens of previously puzzling things clicked into place.
Until I learned that a) transgender people exist and b) I fit the pattern, the most logical explanation of my situation was that I was an unusually sensitive, wordy, empathic male with an early fascination for things girly, from sewing to knitting to crocheting to making candles to perfumes.
After too many years wasted in unhappy denial, I eventually could no longer kid myself. All in all there was way too much, to be able to explain it away as unusual male behavior.
It was, pure and simple, female behavior. Why? Due to a female way of thinking. Why? Due to me having a female brain — statistically rare for someone with XY chromosomes but, it turns out, a lot less rare than I realized at the time.
When I thought I was a male, I didn’t care much what I wore or what I looked like. Now that I realize I’m female, I’m rejoicing in it. Mine is the story of the ugly duckling in transgender human form — from an unhappy male who was not even enthused to have his picture taken to a tall, athletic, healthy, hot blonde lingerie model who has made $300+ an hour showing off her pretty self in sexy stockings and 6″ stilettos, in which she’s able to elegantly and sexily walk a mile and has proved it.
I take more pictures in one good night as a sexy female than I’ve taken in the multiple decades when I thought I was male. That alone speaks volumes.
Abraham Lincoln said “whatever you are, be a good one.” I need no encouragement. I’m giddily joyous about being me.
And yet, aesthetically I’m still a work in progress, and I know it. My tummy can be flatter, my chin smaller, my jaw narrower. Maybe one day they will be. I’m actively working towards that. But meanwhile, I’m happy to wake up every day and it’s exciting to be me.
How sexually bland this blog is
Unless you’re a rare phenomenon, you were conceived due to a sexual act. Sex and sexuality are part of life. I’m enjoying that part of my life too. But, this isn’t the forum in which I intend to post material that, were it a movie, would be R-rated or X-rated or XXX-rated.
A major reason why I have so blanded out the material on here is so that it can be officially acceptable reading material for transgender teenagers.
I hasten to add that this doesn’t mean that my own life is bland. I, scantily clad and on sexy high-heeled shoes, enjoy twirling around a brass pole in a big-city club where nudity and public eroticism are happily the norm. With some dedicated searching it’s probably not going to be difficult for you to find some very raunchy material about me. You’re welcome to it. My sexuality is part of who I am.
I’m more open and honest about it than most folks. So, if you’re the sort of person who enjoys moralizing, then much as it might irk you, you get to give me an A+ for the virtues of honesty, integrity and openness.
If you’re a transgender girl and right now it all seems miserable and overwhelming …I’m writing this blog to a large extent for you. So now you have a street-smart big sister who is also transgender. You’re no longer alone.
If you look in the mirror and see someone with too much of the wrong-gender attributes looking back at you — don’t worry about it. I looked comparatively horrible and now I look hot enough to make money as a lingerie model.
If I can do it, you can do it. You need mainly two things: a) modern science and b) money. And, it’s very much do-able, and you don’t have to literally whore yourself out to make good money either.
To start the journey, let’s do some housecleaning too — there are probably people exerting a negative influence on you. These might be people who claim to love you and yet they ignore everything you want to be loved for, such as who you basically are. Your life, your decisions — but my advice would be to make a strategic plan so that you can reduce their influence and effect on you.
Embracing your look as a transgender chick can be a wonderful journey, but in the same way as you can’t go swimming while carrying a 100-pound weight, there are some people who will make your journey impossible. Recognize it, mourn it, say your goodbyes and methodically reduce their role in your life. Replace them with the many new, cool people in transgender-friendly culture.
If this blog helps you, it has done its job. It’s got mostly superficial how-to advice such as how I got straight teeth and a nice ass.
That’s not gonna help you if you want to jump off a tall building because you are hating your life right now. The good news is that this blog isn’t all I write or do, so if you need something more substantial, contact me by leaving a comment. I’m not a good substitute for a crisis hotline, but long-term my principles can work for others as well as they have for me, with good effect — I’m happy … very happy.
And for your street-smart, cynical, been-there-done-that big sister to have achieved that means a lot.
So, most likely, you can too. 🙂