A few years ago, I felt supremely awkward as to functioning socially. I already knew that I am a cerebral shy person with all of the social challenges that this implied, plus then I found out that I’m a trans girl too. It was good news to me that I wasn’t crazy and that there was a simple, genetic-mutation explanation for all the girlish feelings and thoughts I’ve had all my life, but the challenge of living as a girl openly was very intimidating.
To figure out what to do, and to keep going, I read a lot and looked at many websites, including those with art. I love the work of Boris Vallejo and Julie Bell, but the painting that most spoke to me was one of the trans girl paintings by the very talented Russian artist Dmitrys.
I haven’t been able to afford much facial surgery, obviously, but what little I had done was preceded by me emailing to the surgeon a picture of the main painting on the Dmitrys website. It’s of a lean, muscular, confident girl standing sexily and radiating femininity while wearing a combination of black boots with purple laces, and a combination of blue tights and torn blue-jeans, and a black t-shirt. Her hair is blonde in a feminine style, and she had the tips of her hair dyed pink. I love that picture. I’d love to show it here in full but it’d violate copyright and also get my blog reclassified as R-rated. So here’s a cropped version such as I’d sent to the surgeon:
If you’re 18 or older then feel free to go look at the DmitrysFuta dot com website. I love his work, but it’s not for everyone. Be advised it’s intensely sexy and sexual imagery.
Thanks to hormones and careful eating, I’ve gradually been changing my shape to be more and more feminine and more slender, yet still muscular. My hair is (still) blonde though I’ve had it lightened to the same shade it was when I was 2 years old (with a lock of hair from way back when, to prove it). My hair also has a feminine style.
Yesterday, I realized that I still have some pink hair paint left over from Halloween so just for fun, I painted the tips of my hair pink. It’s still like that today. Today, I was planning to work on removing the automatic transmission from an Audi A6 Quattro — and so, big, heavy metal parts or the entire 300 pound transmission could possibly have fallen on, and crushed, my feet, so I wore my steel-toed black work boots that I’ve adorned with sparkly pink laces so that they look nice. I like to wear black t-shirts for heavy-duty automotive work: they’re hard to stain black with grease because, well, they’re already black. It was also chilly today so I wore tights. I have various sets, and today’s set happens to be a style that simulates torn blue denim jeans.
It was a busy day. Several hours of work on the car and car parts (profession A) were followed by several hours of work making custom database software (profession B) .
Then, within the last hour, I realized that I must today look more like that painting than I ever have. So I looked, and indeed it was so. That inspired a quick, fun, impromptu photo session. I’m posting one of the pictures here.
My progress felt so gradual I hardly noticed, and yet viewed across the span of years, it’s been dramatic. It’s very much not just about the aesthetics. I have learned so much, including how mutually supportive girls of all types, shapes, colors, ages and sizes tend to be for each other. I’ve always been a girl but I didn’t look like one. So now that I basically look like one and show it, it’s all come together.
I feel confident and comfortable in my own skin, so to speak, and it’s a wonderful feeling. My work is thriving as a result, too. I’m happier and vastly more productive even though my stress level is super-low.
Perhaps most importantly, I’m radiantly healthy nowadays whereas a few short years ago I was well one my way to an early grave — and didn’t much care.
I used to focus on cerebral things while neglecting my health and looks. Nowadays, I take a much more balanced approach. I still like understanding things deeply: complex software, complex cars, complex computers, complex ideas and the most complex entity of all: complex girls — whether as friends or more. However, my focus on my mind does no longer mean that my body is being neglected.
So, nowadays, life is good.