Surgery “Down There,” Prince, Futanari and two 1980s BMWs

imag0582I bought a running 1982 BMW 528e a year or so ago. It’s one of my favorite cars. It’s simple to work on, nice to drive and the fuel economy is very, very good … the “e” in “528e” is for “eta” which is the scientific symbol for efficiency. In the name of this car, it’s a well-chosen symbol.

It’s still not as apt as the symbol Prince chose for a name, but it’s a worthy runner-up.

Even so, it’s a vexing car, in one sense. A previous owner did some custom modifications and replaced the original-specification BMW plumbing for the fuel pump with some or other aftermarket item. Consequently, there’s no check valve any more.  The original BMW pump maintains fuel pressure in the system, which means the car a) starts instantly and b) doesn’t get vapor lock.

Vapor lock is when the fuel gets so hot that it boils. Under pressure, it doesn’t happen as easily. Once a car gets vapor lock, one remedy is to go look at clouds for 45 minutes until the car has cooled off sufficiently to be driveable again.

Vapor lock, in this particular car, has left me stranded by the side of highway 50, whose nickname is “the loneliest road in America” and not without reason. So, that’s not good. It also explains why I haven’t driven the car ever since it became summer, here in Nevada.

Also, having to crank the engine for a long time before it starts is hard on the battery and the starter, both. I don’t like it.

After I removed the cover from the fuel tank wiring today, I saw the blue insulation tape where the custom modifications were made. I’m not a fan.

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My MS Windows software has an “undo” function … this BMW doesn’t. So, today I paid someone a fairly impressive amount of money to reinstall an original BMW fuel pump. He’s not done yet, but I’m hopeful. I want it to work in a nicely integrated way as the car was when it left the factory in Bavaria, all those years ago. If the custom modification had been a significant upgrade with no drawbacks, then my concerns would have been limited to general principles. However, that’s not the situation here. This is significantly worse, and I want the car back to the way it was, so much so that I’m happy to pay for it.

The “no drawbacks” rule reminds me of a similar custom modification that I had chosen to make. I own a 1984 633 CSi which is lovely too look at but hard to live with. There are many reasons, but one of them involved the seats. I kept a list of the reasons why I wanted to improve the seats, yet I kept delaying doing something about it. Then, my lovely romantic partner (at the time) complained that the passenger seat hurt her butt. That provided the needed motivation. I removed the front seats and re-engineered the seat mounting points to accept Volvo 240 front seats, which are soft, safe and comfortable. She liked them much more. Unfortunately, this also meant upgrading the entire front seat belt system to Volvo, which was a massive project, done properly — which is the only way one should do a seat belt project. Notice the pretty Volvo headrests?

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Living in Northern Nevada, and owning a slew of 1980s BMWs, I quickly gave up on taking my cars to regular repair shops. They generally won’t touch the stuff. I might as well have driven in with a time machine based on a DeLorean and said that the fission fuel rod in the flux capacitor needs adjustment. Either way, no can-do.

So, here i go applying the analogy to the sort of “down there” surgery that makes a trans girl look, feel and function as if she’d been born with a female reproductive system. There’s much appeal as to that, for me. I’ve already booked the surgery date and paid the deposit.

This made for a difficult conversation with someone who happens to be fond of the particular implications of however I happen to be shaped right now, which is with a male reproductive system. She understands my craving to look more and more female, i.e., how my brain is wired. This surgery would be consistent with that. So, she’s super-nice about it but … anyway, you get the idea.

Dmitrys, a popular artist in Russia, very much gets the idea. He draws erotica featuring trans girls who are lovely and curvy, and his drawing unabashedly show that yes, these trans girls can still write their names in the snow. It’s an R-rated or X-rated website otherwise I’d have embedded a link here.

Not that a girl needs to be curvy to be sexy … she could be shaped like a tree and she might still be a “10” on the scale by my standards. Even so, his drawings feature very curvy and femininely-posing girls, yet with male-shaped plumbing. He makes the point well that a girl is a girl regardless of her plumbing. Dmitrys refers to these girls as “Futanari” — which sounds more Japanese than Russian, so probably he didn’t coin the phrase.

For now, I’m a Futanari, then. After having “the surgery” I wouldn’t be.

Am I sure there will be an “after the surgery” mode? Not so much, any more. I’m not all that young, so within the next two thousand years or so I might eventually start having health-related issues, and then if someone in the medical profession sees that I’ve been fitted with some sort of aftermarket custom modification, that is no doubt going to complicate things, sort of like the BMW with the aftermarket fuel pump.

This also brings up the question of unintended consequences. I didn’t initially realize that the seat belts on my BMW would need to be upgraded too, when I fitted the car with Volvo front seats. And yet, I know that model BMW and that model Volvo really well. So, how might this sort of surgery play out as to unintended consequences for me, and for whomever might currently or in the future enjoy sexy adventures with me? Much to ponder …

More power to those who proceed as such, but as for me … I’m revisiting the idea. Continually postponing the surgery essentially means I get to continue living as an androgynous being who is visually closer to the male-female divide than most. Prince could deal with it just fine, so maybe I can too.

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