Smile, and Half the World Smiles Back

ggg2016-04-28 21.29.04I’m a trans girl who likes girls, and I used to befriend and date club strippers. In so doing, I learned a lot of insider information. For example, the girls are sometimes high before they go on-stage because they’re feeling horribly self-conscious about walking out on stage right then. And by “high” I do mean using chemicals that aren’t the type you can go pick up at your local pharmacy.

Some days, I relate. I do my software development work from home most of the time, and not just do I save commuting time, enabling me to get an impressive amount of work done per day, but I also can live in my little safe nest where nobody sees me. That’s good since I don’t want to be seen. If all the world’s a stage, then I don’t wanna go out on stage until I’m good and ready.

However, I also try to not become a hermit. Every day or two, I do go out to enjoy the world, work on-site, visit family or friends, or buy groceries. Before I do, I go through a process of getting ready, emotionally and aesthetically. I enjoy it.

By the time I walk out of my apartment, I feel ready to take on the world, and oddly, it really seems to show, in how it affects others.

For example, today, I went out to buy groceries. The deals were good but nothing specific was smile-inducing to an overwhelming extent. I was just happy to be there, and happy to be me.  As to strangers, I have my eye-contact routine fairly well-optimized.  When I make eye contact with a guy, the odds are pretty good that he’ll glare at me when he’s alone, and much greater yet … when he’s not alone. So, I avoid eye contact with guys and I smile at whomever is left … girls. Today, it was downright wonderful how radiant a set of smiles I got in return. However good I felt about the world when I walked in there, I felt even better about it by the time I walked out.

The late-afternoon weather suggested that a lovely Nevada sunset was likely, so I drove home via a fifteen-mile detour through the local rural, lovely, green countryside. I ended up near the home of a friend who lives out in the boonies, so I dropped by to say “hello.” Right as we were standing outside, chatting, the most beautiful sunset appeared.

Life is good — and preparation helps. Had I stumbled out the front door, ready or not, it might have been a very different day.

I grew up singing and playing the guitar. Ironically, I’ve recently been listening and practicing my singing to the song “Manic Monday” as composed by the late Prince and performed by the Bangles (and no, Susanna Hoffs is NOT the lead singer, and saying she is — that’s a sore point for her, and doesn’t do her any favors). The song is about a girl whose day begins with insufficient sleep due to her alarm clock going off at 6 a.m. after being up late. From then on, it’s a mad rush so as to get to work on time at 9 a.m., which she fails to do in spite of having rushed.  It’s a lot harder to salvage a day after a bad start.

Even though I work long hours, I don’t make much money nowadays but I make enough, and the flexible schedule and work-from-home option sure make it nice.

That’s also a good way of ensuring a trans-friendly work environment: own the company. It is a very tiny company, but at least it’s something whose culture I can control to my intended benefit. And yes, it has a VERY trans-friendly restroom policy. I wrote it. 🙂

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