This is a strange subject on an already-strange blog; it’s sort of like me writing on the subject of “why cats like catnip.” Inherently, I’d be writing from an outsider’s perspective.
So, why the question? Because someone asked me to conjecture on the subject.
And yes, I admit, conjecture is the best I can do. And, I’m generalizing.
Why did he ask, specifically, me? Well, I get hit on a lot, and when I did escorting, the main skill I developed was saying “no thank you.” Demand for me vastly outstripped supply. Instead of raising my price, I raised my standards (or to be exact, I felt less ridiculous about upholding them). That made for an escort with an empty room, empty bed and empty bank account, and it also explains why I am less-than-inspired to continue doing escorting. And yes, I wrote “escorting” not “prostitution.” There’s a difference. Not that there’s anything objectively wrong with either one, but had I been doing the latter I’d have been making a lot more money. Or in some months, “any money” as opposed to “no money.”
So, even though I’m probably the least successful escort on the planet, I did learn a lot about why guys like t-girls, a.k.a. transsexual girls … girls such as myself. Sometimes “like” is too bland a word to describe it. I’ve interacted with more than my share of guys who were so obsessed that I was creeped out – so nowadays I am even more safety-conscious. Very few people actually know where I live, day to day, and I like it that way.
Now that I’ve presented my rationale and credentials, on to the main point.
For my teenage readers I’ll try to keep this bland though it’s really more for your parents’ naive delusions because probably there’s nothing in here that most American teenagers haven’t already learned about from their peer group culture or online. I’ll be using the terms “top” and “bottom” in the next paragraph. They don’t describe positions during sex; they describe roles during sex. British and German cultures use the parallel terms “active” and “passive.” This doesn’t describe who’s energetic vs. who’s not; it describes roles – specifically, if you think about it mechanically, what goes where. That’s about as explicit as I should get unless I wanna reclassify my blog as adult material, thus making it unavailable to the folks who might need it most desperately.
Many guys are mainly Interested in being the bottom, with the t-girl being the top. I can at best try to estimate the percentage of such guys, based on my own experience as to guys expressing interest in me, and for which reasons. I’d estimate the number to be maybe 80% of the guys who are interested in t-girls. Then again, the true number might well be much higher yet because whenever I viably could (which is almost always), I mentioned right up front in my listing what I don’t do. So, the guys who nevertheless ask for what I don’t offer are those who don’t bother to read. For me to guess how many guys would have been interested had I been willing to do that, but they actually read what I don’t do, and they never contacted me … I can’t even begin to guess. Probably the 80% is a far-too-low number but who knows.
There’s much irony here. Having body dysphoria (the opposite of euphoria) isn’t an essential part of being a t- girl, though that’s often the case. If she has any body dysphoria, it’s typically focused on the t-girl’s front plumbing. For many t-girls, myself included, we’d just as well have that body part go away (safely, of course), and if we had a time machine and could have a do-over on how we were born, many of us would prefer to be born with plumbing that’s consistent with our brain structure, hence an “innie” instead of an “outie,” hence making us a genetically integrated girl instead of a t-girl.
So, as the gentleman who asked the question wisely pointed out: for a guy to be focused on the one t-girl body part that us t-girls dislike the most … more than the pretty face we might have thanks to surgery and/or make-up, more than the pretty physique we might have thanks to surgery, exercise and/or taking hormones, more than the smooth skin we might have thanks to electrolysis, waxing or shaving, more than the pretty hair we have thanks to growing it out and having it colored and styled … if such a focus seems misguided and makes us feel unappreciated as a woman, that should not be a surprise.
I used to date a pretty brunette, a genetically integrated girl who worked as a stripper. I like strip clubs and I’ve worked as a stripper (though not in a strip club). When I bought a dance from this lady at the strip club, she started by grinding her pretty butt in my lap. I gently asked her to stop, and explained how delightful she looks to me, and that I’d love to enjoy her visually. Even though (I hastened to point out) she feels very sexy, I’m more enthused about seeing her grace and beauty than about the sensation. She replied: “Wow … [by contrast] guys are all about sensation in their crotch. They just want me to make contact there, and then they say: grind, baby, grind.” Anyway, I got to see and enjoy her lovely looks and gracious movements while she danced, ten feet away from me. Afterwards, she said that this had been, to her, the sexiest she’d ever felt in her work as a stripper. She also initiated a romantic relationship with me. Moral of this paragraph: as a generalization: to guys, the sensation in their crotch is most likely their major focus. For girls, it’s very, very, very much not most likely our major focus. And that very much includes t-girls, so it’s not a physical-shape thing; it’s based on how our brains are wired: female.
While it might seem incomprehensible to many or most guys that a t-girl wouldn’t be all that enthused as to sensation at her crotch, that lack of enthusiasm is very common among t-girls — and genetically integrated girls too. Not that we necessarily abhor the sensation (though indeed, some of us do); it just doesn’t make up for any significant negative factors in the dynamic — such as the guy being a jerk, or dirty, or likely to be unsafe, or doing so while cheating on someone, or drunk, or high.
Here is an example of one such guy-girl disconnect. One gentleman became enraptured with me. He bought time from me, drove long distances to be with me, interviewed me on his video recorder, recorded my strip-dancing for him in my hotel room, and took many pictures — some of which he had printed and framed, to give to me as presents. He bought me many delightfully thoughtful presents in addition to being happy to pay for hotel rooms and my escorting fee. He wrote me the nicest emails, and genuinely doted on me as if I were to him the prettiest girl on earth. However, much of his focus (though, thankfully, not all of it) was on my, um, plumbing – more so than I really appreciated or felt comfortable about. Eventually, I decided to send him an email, speaking up about it. I figured he’d simply omit that aspect from his focus, and enjoy the rest of me. Not so. I got a polite, brief email saying that removing this aspect from the festivities made me completely uninteresting to him, and he wished me success with my journey in life. I never saw him again nor ever heard from him again.
So, the 80%+ of guys who like t-girls for our male-shaped plumbing (assuming we even have it any more) … they tend to find relatively few t-girls willing to be part of that dynamic. That’s why, in the escorting and prostitution business, a t-girl willing to be a top to guys … can make a lot of money per hour. Not that I know from personal experience, but some of my t-girl friends do.
Now, as to the remainder of guys (the remaining less-than-20%):
Some guys might like a woman whose integrity is so strong that she broke through all the dangers, ridicule, awkwardness, cultural taboos, emotional hurdles, career problems, financial issues, family issues, current-relationship issues and operational barriers that an openly-out t-girl has … so as to insist on celebrating her femininity by living as such openly. As to such strength of character, many t-girls personify that.
As to the level of femininity that t-girls must have experienced so as to become very well-aware of it and to have a great many examples of how her femininity broke through all the attempts to suppress it, including perhaps her own denial: it must have been very high. For reasons I now consider unnecessary, I took the Stanford University BEM gender test, which is so scientifically geeky that I don’t understand all of it, and needed a gender counselor to interpret that for me. It been highly refined for decades, and it’s so sophisticated that it includes built-in safeguards so that even if someone were to try to cheat on the test, they’d do so using their gender-specific mindset. The test results showed that, yes, I’m certainly female so I could stop second-guessing myself about it, but there’s more. Compared to a large-sample control group of genetically integrated girls, my test results would put me at the 85% percentile as to femininity, hence more feminine as to my brain wiring than 17 out of every 20 girls (as a generalization, of course). No surprise then, that my femininity was so strong that it overcame so much to break free. So, regardless of her plumbing and how she looks, sounds or moves, a t-girl might be one of the most feminine females around. A few guys have observed that, and they prefer t-girls for that reason: they are drawn to femininity.
As to being intimately familiar with addictions and suicidal ideation, many t-girls have been there, done that. That doesn’t make us professional counselors, but it makes us better able to having empathy when a friend is having such struggles, and to better know the limits of how much a friend can and should do. As opposed to doing damage (albeit unintentional) as an amateur, many t-girls know when to instead refer a troubled friend to professional help. Some guys appreciate that.
Once we live openly as ourselves, t-girls often walk away and stay away from abusive substances (and abusive family relationships, living quarters and workplaces). Many guys appreciate clean-living girls who choose a healthy life-style, with bonus points for being well-aware of the alternatives.
As to coping with the awkwardness we feel in many social situations, some t-girls develop a sharp wit and sense of humor. The four wittiest people in my life … all t-girls. Somehow I doubt that’s a coincidence. Some people enjoy wry humor and that might be one more reason why guys like t-girls.
I have no reason to believe that Geena Davis is a t-girl, but her tall stature and muscular physique, albeit in a totally feminine way, probably did much to help her acting career. As to those two attributes, most t-girls are inherently taller and more muscular than genetically integrated girls. Some guys prefer that.
Genetically integrated girls tend to have a very different fat distribution than t-girls do, unless the t-girl went on feminizing hormones at the start of puberty. Personally, I wish I had the curvy hips and butt that my genetically integrated girlfriend does, but many guys like the more-slender look that many t-girls have.
Many female models or movie stars have a very square, masculine-shaped jaw line such as t-girls tend to naturally have. Some guys consider that a visual trait that makes a girl prettier.
T-girls know that NOTHING in a feminine life is to be taken for granted. We cherish every positive or potentially positive moment and aspect. It’s never just “throw on some clothes.” It’s “oooh, what will I look pretty in today?” A successfully-out t-girl can be the most exultant, joyous person. Having someone like that in one’s life can be like a ray of sunshine, like watching the joie-de-vivre of a playful kitten or puppy who is simply happy to be alive.
Even the negative events have a sort-of-positive aspect because at least we’re finally being treated as the women we are. That includes males being dismissive of our opinions and concerns. For example, few things will make a girl feel as profoundly feminine as having a dumb-ass male mechanic laugh derisively at whatever concern she has just expressed, especially when it’s a well-pondered and perfectly legitimate point … or in the case of myself and my BMW-savvy female friend, a subject in which her knowledge exceeds that of the mechanic and she needs his involvement only because his boss owns a specialty BMW tool that only his employee is allowed to use.
The happiness of a t-girl is rarely just superficial. It often has very deep roots. She’s probably walked through fire to get to live as who she is, openly. Even though it was terrifying, she continued. That’s bravery. Some guys can respect that.
Sexually, before she goes on hormones, she’s very horny and energetic, and eager to enjoy sex while being appreciated as much as possible as the woman she is. She is eager to look as good as she can, for herself and for her sex life.
After she goes on hormones, she’s more feminine yet and less actively horny — but probably also more open to being wooed, with the t-girl in a less-active social-relationship role, e.g., finally, she’s the one being given flowers, no longer always the one buying flowers for others.
Culturally, she deeply understands female culture due to having embraced it. She appreciates the female-female dynamic like few genetically integrated girls can.
A t-girl also tends to deeply understand male culture due to having tried to fit in with it. She can’t think like a male does because she doesn’t have a male brain structure, but she has had much opportunity to understand how males would approach things. That can make t-girls more practical companions, paid or otherwise.
The life story of a t-girl is often the result of choosing interesting lines of work so as to try to prove to herself and others that she can succeed even in the most challenging of male cultures, so many t-girls have worked as law enforcement, military, engineering, mechanics, truck drivers. Often we have felt driven to excel in these fields.
Her personal pastimes often reflect male-culture influence, too. She’s more likely to be the girl who likes fishing, hunting, guns, motorcycles, muscle cars and airplanes. That can make her a more practical companion too, for males.
Part-way out of trying to come across as macho, and part-way out of necessity. a t-girl is more likely to be the girl who has taken self-defense classes, and is able to defend herself with a weapon. That can be practical too — sometimes pivotally so. Some of my favorite scenes in movies are when there’s a criminal threat and a strong female rises to the occasion, and does a splendid job of defending herself and others.
Often, what makes a t-girl interesting to many guys is how she personifies a paradox: someone with a blend of male and female insights, a personified sophisticated puzzle, a being who isn’t what she seems to be even in full honesty. Sometimes it’s the most mysterious, complex women who enchant men. She a mystery they’re trying to solve, a secret code they’re trying to decipher. She can add more excitement, intrigue and danger than many adventures, books, movies or video games can offer.