Being Disliked for One’s Looks

One of the common problems of being a t-girl is that she feels, understandably, inferior in her newly-embraced life as a girl. This covers many aspects, including her physique, and especially the aspects where a girl and a guy typically look fundamentally different. Boobs are one aspect of that.

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By Chelsea_Charms.jpg: J C derivative work: Tabercil (Chelsea_Charms.jpg) [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

Without moderation, our fantasies might be about strongly overcompensating. The picture below, of a lady named Chelsea Charms, is not of a t-girl. Even so, but this sort of “boobs so large I can hardly get out of bed” look used to be a fond fantasy for me — not that Chelsea seems to have any problems getting out of bed; from what I’ve read, she seems to enjoy a normal life, apart from all the attention,  back exercises and wardrobe issues.

With boobs that large, the girl often gets objectified, and people no longer treat her as a human with feelings, personality and character. I’ve communicated enough with Chelsea and read enough about her that I’ve concluded she’s a nice person and would be a good friend to have — not that she IS my friend, but she seems nice.

However, few people can look beyond her huge boobs and consider the person. I belong to an online community of girls who have gone through, or are contemplating, plastic surgery — and the derision with which most girls instantly react to Chelsea is stark, with one of the moderators joining in, writing a yellow-journalism smear piece. I wrote a “hey now” commentary trying to remind people to at least be civil on the subject.

It’s not like Chelsea is hurting or harming anyone.She’s not beating up her spouse, lying, stealing or cheating. As citizens go, she’s as harmless an example as if she’d taken up growing ferns instead of her boobs. That’s more than one can say about a great many people in the country and on the planet. If everyone were like Chelsea, we wouldn’t be killing each other off or beating each other up.

Chelsea just looks unusual. Is that reason enough to justify instantly disliking her?

In college, I formally attended statistics class, and learned about averages and standard deviations from the norm. In middle school, the kids didn’t need any formal training. they had an intuitive sense of statistics and if another kid had any large-enough deviation from the norm, whether as to height, shape, weight, hair color, behavior, family, clothing etc. then unless this trait happened to be in the “cool” category, the mean kids would instantly pick on the kid with that trait. An airport body scanner is a crude and mediocre mechanism compared to the sharp eye of a mean kid, as far as identifying anything unusual.

I used to think that, as people grow up and grow older, they lose this behavior. However, some don’t. They just widen the range of what’s “normal” but if someone has traits outside those norms, such as having huge boobs or being very overweight, or very thin, then it’s like the observer is 13 years old again, with instant dislike and mean behavior coming on. Empathy doesn’t get allocated. Does Chelsea have feelings? Might they be hurt by this sort of thing? Who knows, and who cares, is the reaction of that mindset.

For such people, Chelsea’s boobs are huge enough to trigger the mean-kid behavior. with instant dislike and mean behavior coming on.

Ironically, she has her share of adulating male fans who make the same mistake, just in the opposite direction: they adore her automatically.

Really, a person’s boob size should have nothing to do with them being basically more or less likable, objectively.

Would I want boobs like that? No. But I also wouldn’t want to work with homeless people, defuse live bombs, be married to an drunk, rescue abandoned cats, read the supermarket check stand tabloids, eat spicy food and so on. That doesn’t mean I should instantly resent someone who chooses to do so.

So why on earth would a t-girl (me, for example) fantasize about having such huge boobs?

  • It compensates for feeling self-conscious about being flat-chested or having too small boobs
  • It would be nicer and safer to have superficial, testosterone-blinded males instantly adoring me vs. instantly resenting me
  • … and besides, a t-girl is used to the mean treatment Chelsea gets, anyway.

That’s the key point here. Every essential thing I said about how people react to Chelsea, I can apply to how they react to a t-girl who looks awkward as such. And, it really, really sucks.

Of course, some commendable people look beyond the superficial even if it takes effort. I have a very conservative friend who, when he first saw me, instantly thought mean things about me but he still took the time and effort to also listen to what I was saying in conversations, and he and I started having deep conversations. We slowly grew to be friends — but he confessed to me later that when he first saw me, he felt an initial “eww, gawd, what do we have here” sort of reaction.

I’m not choosing to have such huge boobs. But why would any t-girl choose that? For many of us, being instantly resented is what we’re used to anyway. Being the brunt of such mean treatment is our comfort zone. We are accustomed to being treated like that anyway. It’s what we know, and know what how to cope with it. It’s in some ways the same mindset as an abused spouse.

Even if we’ve only recently come out publicly as a t-girl, our parents are probably aware of our preference for feminine things. Many of us know only too well what it’s like to observe the acrid disgust that our true nature triggers in someone else.

By that line of reasoning, we might as well get something we want out of it, which is to finally have large enough boobs. That way, we don’t have the often-dashed hope that someone might be able to look beyond our looks, and focus on the actual person with her set of ideas, principles, personality and character.

Below is a picture of my friend Candy (and yes, I have her explicit permission to use her pictures for this sort of thing.)  Candy is a t-girl, like me. She and I became friends early on in her transition, and it was interesting to be able to mentor and observe her journey.  She came out to her dad, who was a military guy, when she was 14. His reaction was to repeatedly beat her up. No doubt that sort of thing shaped how she’s used to being treated.

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I’m not playing amateur psychologist and saying that every girl with large boobs has a sad reason as part of her motivation. But, in Candy’s case, that might well be so. So nowadays her looks triggers an automatic reaction in most people she meets. I don’t know if that’s part of why she chose such large boobs. But, if so, I wouldn’t be surprised — such behavior is what she knows how to cope with. As a person, she’s highly intelligent, intense, brave and insightful. One of her favorite activities is to read books. But, most people don’t know or care.

Should we instantly dislike someone just for their looks? No, but if you’re the sort of person who reads my blog, you already know that. Even so, you might have some family members who do think like that. If this article gives you some intellectual ammunition for your next dinner-table argument, I’ll have accomplished my mission.

 

 

 

 

 

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