Success Story #3 in Intense Mentoring: Lack of Anger

ggg2016-01-14 23.48.35The t-girl lady whom I mentored as my live-in roommate, for 5 months or so, experienced a significant emotional change in the process.

She’d told me that before she came here, she left her work in anger every day, feeling treated unjustly (and after hearing the details, I can sympathize with why she felt so). She wasn’t exaggerating … she meant every day.

In her family life, she dealt with much more injustice yet.

It was a no-win situation for her. At work, she felt unappreciated. At home, more of the same.

Not just was she unappreciated as the wonderful person she is, but she also had all the frustrations of being a t-girl in stealth mode, until just before she came here.

By contrast, when she was with me, she become more and more positive, open and chatty as the wonderful, and charming person she is, albeit in her own quiet way. Just being able to live openly as the girl she is — that probably made every day much nicer for her.

Still, I understand that she has many frustrations with the people in her past, and some parts of the journey are hard beyond my ability to mitigate. Also, her body is still currently producing lots of testosterone, which I’d name “the anger chemical.”

One day she was helping me fix one of my cars, and it was a very intricate task. She came into the kitchen a few hours later and said she had taken out her frustrations on the headlights of my Volvo. I took a deep breath and tried to remain calm. When I was her age and having anger issues, this would have caused much collateral damage. I was already doing the math and wondering where I was going to get a set of replacement headlights within my budget.

Not that I’m OK with someone destroying my stuff, and her beating up on my car would seriously lower my enthusiasm for having her around, but I understand that everyone has a bad day now and then. She took out her phone and showed me a picture of the headlights. They are large and plastic, and they used to be yellow and tarnished. Now they shone as if they were brand new. She’d applied a headlight polishing kit to them and her way of venting her frustration was to vigorously pour her energy into half an hour of intense sanding and polishing.  That sounds to me like someone who is doing a commendable task of managing her anger.

 

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