In November of 2014, I wrote about the effects that feminizing hormones were having on my sexuality, with a focus on its effects on my, um, reproductive equipment (yes, the stuff in front), and how that body part was working less and less in the way it had been before I started taking hormones.
It’s now more than a year later, and whatever that particular body part used to do, it does hardly any of, except for peeing. The last time it was used in a non-solo active role was last summer, more than half a year ago, with my girlfriend. I hadn’t expected to be so very much OK with this massive decline, but I am. I really don’t miss the use of that body part. I mean, it’s still physically there and maybe I could use it to write my name in yellow in the snow, but somehow I’m not super-motivated to go try. That’s about it, as to excitement resulting from that body part. It just really doesn’t matter to me. The biggest effect it has on my life is negative: it creates a less-smooth-than-I-like profile when I wear a thong.
To my surprise, I still get erections. However, they are super-rare (like once every few weeks) and they happen when I’m feeling mentally intensely sexy in my proper role, i.e., on the receiving end of things. Used to be when I woke up in the morning, I had a raging erection. That hasn’t happened in many, many months.
Any guy reading this might not understand this sentence, but … I can feel very horny while not showing any increase in size “down there.” It’s girl thing, specifically a t-girl thing.
Initially I’d expected to still be very horny but as to being on the receiving end of things instead. That’s not how things played out. My interest in ANY sort of sexual pleasure (solo or otherwise) is close to zero, except that I like to give pleasure.
Maybe a month ago I realized that sex is less interesting to me than doing my taxes, and I thought I should make a point of, well, getting laid (safely, of course) so that things don’t fall into disrepair from sheer neglect. I recognized that feeling from way back when. It’s how I used to feel when I decided I really should make a point of going to the gym.
So, I placed a Craigslist ad looking for guys. Whatever I have lost in enthusiasm I seem to have gained in appeal. I had many applicants to sift through. Finally, I met two guys (separately) and enjoyed the sexual time with each of them (separately) well enough. I’ve had my share of bad sex with guys and so by contrast, I know that the experience with these recent two guys was indeed good sex.
Afterward, I recognized how I felt about that. That feeling matched a feeling from way back when, too. It’s how I used to feel after I’d decided I really should make a point of going to the gym, and I had just come back from the gym. It’s a sort of satisfaction as in “well, I’m glad I made the effort.”
By far the most interesting result of the ad was that I met another t-girl like me. And no, nothing got sexual. We had lunch and chatted. I really enjoyed that, as evidently did she. At some point in the dialog, she said she hadn’t been with a guy for a long time, and I said “gosh, me too.” I’d completely forgotten about the two sessions from that very same month. Wow. I later remembered, felt like a dumb blonde, and emailed her a correction, explaining that these two sessions just really had slipped my mind. In all candor, that does tell the entire story of how horny I nowadays am, and how literally forgettable sex with guys is, to me.
It’s not that I feel sexless. I am taking better care of my health and looks than ever. I still like wearing sexy shoes, and dresses. I like going out and exploring the world while looking as good as I can. I feel sexier than ever, just not sexual.
My situation is skewed in that the wonderful lady with whom I’m in an open-yet-safe relationship isn’t currently here, and if she were, my sex life would no doubt improve. Still, even that is not how it used to be. She and I used to do wild stuff much of the time, when we were together. Nowadays we’re emotionally closer than ever and it’s still a sexual relationship too, but when we’re together in person, there’s not much wild stuff going on. And of course we’ve discussed it, and she and I are both just fine with that.