Surprise, I’m Mellow and Happy

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I’ve been told that, as part of me going on feminizing hormones, I had to balance the trade-off of having a more feminized body with the more troubled emotional state that t-girls experience during that process.

And yet, I’m not experiencing any of that emotional effect, even though I’ve now for some months been on intense levels of both androgen-blockers as well as estrogen — albeit legally prescribed, and carefully monitored. Physically, though: yes, wow, my body is changing and I like what it’s changing into.

In preparing for this, I spoke to t-girls who have gone on feminizing hormones, and also to those who are, or were, in relationships with such girls.  The latter group provided the most candid input. For the most part, the relationships were over. The t-girl had been a nice relationship partner. but then she went on feminizing hormones and she became so unpleasant (moody, weepy, unreasonable) that the relationship partner eventually couldn’t stand it any more, and finally checked out.

I’m gay (a girl who likes girls) and so I’ve observed the effects of female hormones on my relationship partners over the years, and yes, sometimes, my partner was moody, and we both knew why. From what I’ve been told, a t-girl going on feminizing hormones experiences this effect way more intensely to where she becomes socially unbearable.

So, if I were to be in that same emotional state, would I be OK with that?

Yes!

I wasn’t overly worried. I have willpower so even if I were an emotional mess, I’d still make a point of being reasonable. Besides, I was forewarned and prepared. So was my romantic partner.

And yet, months later, things seem so be very even-keeled as to my emotional state … if anything, more so. It’s not that I’m deluded, either. People around me are giving me feedback that substantiates this. In fact, things are so mellow that I’m surprised.

Not that I haven’t had challenges, personally and professionally. One of my clients was being bullied by his IT department, and I stood by him and candidly and logically explained why he’s in the right. Last week, the toilet overflowed while I was away for four hours, and when I came back, there was an inch of water over much of the bathroom, kitchen, and carpets. And yesterday, I soaked my computer keyboard with milk and cereal. In each case, I didn’t even get upset — neither sad nor angry. I just dealt with the situation and enacted damage-control measures, and later preventative measures.

In fact, as to the latter incident: the splash of cereal, the milk, dried strawberries and cereal looked so out of place on my serious, black, military-like Logitech keyboard that I found myself chortling about the contrast, sort of like seeing flowers on a military rifle. If that’s not me being mellow, I don’t know what is.

My romantic partner is genetically integrated girl, not a t-girl. She explained to me that for her, her hormone levels tend to go up and down a lot, during the course of each month — whereas for me, it’s more stable, because I take the same dose every day. Her hypothesis goes a long way towards explaining what I’m experiencing, though now I’m kinda puzzled as to where all the cautionary stories come from.

Anyway, I prefer to be puzzled and happy.

 

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2 thoughts on “Surprise, I’m Mellow and Happy

  1. “even if I were an emotional mess, I’d still make a point of being reasonable.” said no one ever, who has gone through a difficult menstrual cycle, been pregnant or given birth. female hormonal afflictions will happen to all women who experience anything that triggers hormonal changes at some point and being an ’emotional mess’ actually means NOT being able to ‘make a point of being reasonable’. it’s why the majority of women look forward to menopause, even with the significant side effects it creates, because of the severity of symptoms that normal monthly hormonal fluctuation cause in women of child rearing ages.

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