Social Whiplash as to Guys

Imagine being in a powerful car with good brakes. The car is rapidly decelerating and then the driver steps on the accelerator and you suddenly zoom forward. You get neck whiplash, right?

If you’re a just-out transsexual girl, get ready for that.

From what I’ve experienced and heard, here’s how it often plays out. And yes, I’m generalizing but it’s based on a decently-sized sample of data including my own life.

* * *

You’re a transsexual girl (t-girl) who has just recently come out as such. As to guys, several of your old guy friends just simply vanished. Some became bland and distant. Some ignore the news that you’ve always been a girl. A few wonderful guy friends stand by you, and yay, they mean a lot to you. And so the platonic aspect of male company survives to some extent.

The sexual aspect is where things go off the rails.

Ever since she was born, the t-girl feels pressured to live in a male role, and she tries hard to do that, including as to how she looks. The end result is often someone who might look OK to the rest of the world, but to the t-girl herself, the picture in the mirror is the opposite of who she is. She’s sold her soul, and there’s the proof in the mirror. She’s appeased everyone else but personally she’s miserable with her male role and her male looks. The price she got in exchange for all this is social acceptance, for what that’s worth. Her premise is that, as an “out” t-girl, she’d be shunned, lonely, unloved, unemployable, broke and starving.

It’d be better to take the advice of Dr. Seuss:Dr_Seuss

Finally, she DOES come out, and then the picture in the mirror looks even worse. The damage caused by male hormones, especially during puberty, is mostly irreversible and even after putting on make-up and fake hair, the t-girl feels awkward and ridiculous as to how she looks, moves and sounds.

Even so, she’s a sexual being, and she’s not yet on feminizing hormone regimen, so the male sex hormone called testosterone is abundant in her bloodstream, and she figures it might be instructive to go have sex with a guy, with her in her new female role. She discovers several problems:

  • Very few guys find her attractive, and they are candid in their rejection, often to the point of being mean and hurtful
  • The few guys who are interested are:
    • Attached and cheating on their wives or girlfriends
    • Interested only if the t-girl takes the active role that … how do I say this in polite company … does not inspire her to feel feminine
    • Unsafe
    • Unsavory

Still, she keeps lowering her standards and finally she does have a few experiences. These tend to involve her discovering why so many females are unhappy in bed with their male partners, and she finds out how stark the guy’s attitude change is from very enthused beforehand, to totally checked out afterwards.  “I’ll call/text/email you” means “I will never contact you again.”

If she’s lucky, she’s bisexual or gay (meaning, a girl who likes girls) and she discovers the joys of being out as such. If she’s straight … I don’t know how that story plays out. I’m not straight, i.e., I’m not into guys romantically and neither is any of the t-girls I’ve spoken to on this subject. So, all I can tell you about is the bi or gay t-girls’s perspective. Continuing:

The t-girl soon realizes that trying to look good so as to get guys’ sexual attention is the worst reason in the world, and for herself, she starts to look, sound and move better and better. Out of every dozen pictures of her, maybe one looks good, so she takes a great many pictures of herself and throws most of them away, and keeps the best ones. Some of them, she uses online such as for her chess player profile.

As time goes by, she realizes that she’s no longer a transsexual girl, emphasis on the “transsexual.” The emphasis moves to “girl.” Her being transsexual really doesn’t matter except that, compared to her friends, she can easily reach items on tall shelves, and tight bottle tops are easier for her to open.

If things were ever to get close-to-intimate with a guy, she speaks up so as to avoid misleading anyone. She wants to be desired for who she is, not the illusion of being a genetically integrated girl. Her life becomes normal. She lives life as the girl she is, and the “transsexual” part fades away except for the rare times when it needs to be acknowledged.

Then, a funny thing happens: guys start hitting on her, as one more girl. In the beginning, it’s flattering. And very soon, it becomes tedious.  And after that, it gets to be annoying.

Without even having any clue as to who the girl is as a person, her looking good in one profile picture is enough, and guys become clingy, obsessed, or just plain weird.

From being “chopped liver” in the meat market to suddenly being “Kobe beef” is disconcerting, and not in a fun way.




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