However, until one is certain (which means, certain enough) then the indecision causes inaction — understandably, because if you’re not sure as to which direction to go, there seems to be little point in going. Part of the problem is that transsexual girls tend to be very self-critical and will only agree that the scale has tipped after they have much evidence as to “yes” and no evidence as to “no.” In typical female fashion, we’re our own harshest critic.
Introspectively observed male traits are a big hurdle as such. Many t-girls lament that they’re not sure they’re basically female because they have so much male-ness in their mindset, too.
In a healthy culture, transsexual girls could simply try living like a girl and see how they like it. In today’s culture, that’s not always viable. Although things are improving, coming out as a transsexual girl means a massive life change and saying “sayonara” to many who will reject us — either for who we are, or for choosing to live as who we are. It’s not an easy decision to make. Certainty helps. And dwelling on “but I have male traits too” erodes the certainty. Perhaps, some transsexual girls reason, I’m not really a transsexual girl but more genderfluid?
Of course, there is nothing wrong with being either, but the practical reality is that society is hostile to transsexual girls yet even more hostile to those who are androgynous and show it. So, the choice of “I’m not a transsexual girl, I’m genderfluid” is not an easier route. It’s much harder. And yet, it’s a conclusion many will reach, and proceed accordingly.
If you’re in the not-sure-enough category, consider this:
1. East Germany was a draconian totalitarian state. The government ruled with an iron fist and felt little hesitation to be limited by ethics. Being in an East German prison might mean one has committed a crime by objective standards, or a crime only by totalitarian standards, such as being outspoken against the government.
Either way, the state didn’t see any problems with dosing male inmates with feminizing hormones .. no doubt without the sort of consent, precision, medical care and supervision that this sort of thing properly requires. In this generally violent environment, the affected inmates became relatively less aggressive and got more pear-shaped figures, and were more easily assaulted by other inmates.
The point here is that male hormones tend to enable aggression and anger more easily. So, as a t-girl, your body has had a predominance of androgens (male hormones including testosterone) ever since the start of puberty. By now you probably can’t even remember what life was like.before you had an abundance of testosterone and other androgens. And so, shouldn’t you factor that into your evaluation as a major factor?
2. As a t-girl, you’ve probably since birth been told by many, including the most influential people in your formative years, that you’re a male. If that left its mark, should you be surprised?
3. Many t-girls feel like failures in male culture. We can never with sincerity be as male as the males around us seem able to be, much as we try. So, all these many years of trying to function in society as very much male, wouldn’t that have left its mark too?
Let’s imagine a controlled test. We choose any genetically integrated girl and give her a male name, and assure her from birth she’s male and had better act accordingly for fear of being ostracized, ridiculed, beaten or even killed. We inspire in her a fervent resolve to behave as such, and then we pump her young teenage body full of androgens including testosterone, and we suppress female hormones … then should we be surprised if that girl, even though her brain structure is 100% feminine, shows much male-ness in how she reacts and feels?
Would not the same logic then apply to transsexual girls? Perhaps the introspective evidence of a significant amount of male-ness has a more likely explanation than “you’re not really a transsexual girl.”