Functioning in a Feedback Loop

FOP01_2014-10-20_00.44.56A friend of mine, has (by my standards) done very well in life, and as she explained the sequence of events, I can conclude that her feminine poise, grace and wiles have been part of her success. At an impressionable age, she was sent to, essentially, charm school. Obviously, she’d paid attention.

As for me, I didn’t experience any such formal training, and I’m still playing catch-up because I only recently figured out I’m transgender and I switched from trying to live in boy culture, to finally being myself. I’ve had some wonderful advice from elegant and helpful ladies near and dear to me but … it’s been hard to put it all together — and keep it together, until the last two days.

FOP01_2014-10-20_00.43.21What happened? Well, there’s a German phrase “Glueck im Unglueck” which translates to “good luck amidst, and sort of due to, bad luck.” The bad luck is: I dropped my cell phone one too many times and it finally stopped working (not that there’s much luck involved; simply physics, actually). The good luck is: I didn’t wanna stop taking selfies, and all I had was my webcam.

So, I downloaded some super-cool free software named Yawcam, and it snaps and stores a picture every x seconds, and I can configure many things about that process to make it work as I want.

FOP01_2014-10-20_00.41.36I finally like how I look nowadays, but wow, what a difference it makes when I slouch. And how much nicer everything looks when I lean my upper body back a little, wow. And, where I put my arms really does matter. And that “feet even slightly apart” stance looks a lot less feminine than I realized. And, having my legs almost parallel looks a lot nicer than I realized. And so on.

This sort of feedback has been invaluable. I grew up with a friend who slouched, and his mom used to intone “don’t slouch” many times a day. Perhaps a webcam would have helped him realize what a difference his posture makes as to how he comes across.

FOP01_2014-10-20_00.43.47As I learn more about girl culture, I’m learning that many girls slouch, and tall girls more so, and those with big boobies more so yet. I fit all three categories (albeit with fake boobies, but still) and so I’m actively counteracting the temptation to slouch.

My webcam-plus-software combination is helping me function effectively in a feedback loop.  I like that.


2 thoughts on “Functioning in a Feedback Loop

  1. So is there such a thing as “girl school” for folks like you? I’m thinking that it’s one thing to know you’re feminine but you’d have to learn how to be a girl… And how does one do that without going through trial and error and not wind up looking like a man trying to imitate a woman? I am genuinely curious!

    • I’m not aware of any such school. I AM, however, aware of t-girls despairing and deciding to stay closeted due to the overwhelming amount of hurdles they face in coming out and having to relearn things without a good mentor, and running into animosity at a time when they’re fragile. If my mentoring efforts become more and more formalized, I might end up gravitating towards such a school. If you’ve seen the X-men movies you know what it’ll probably be like. For that, I’ll need to shave my head and get a wheelchair. 🙂

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