Dr. Tory Clark is a clinical sexologist, and she has done a lot to help me figure out things about myself. She teaches a class on human sexuality at the University of Nevada, Reno.
For last night’s class, she showed a movie. She also had a panel of sexually unusual folks present, to answer students’ questions.
The panelists included:
– Three gay gentlemen
– Two lesbian girls
– Two pansexual girls
– Me, a bisexual transgender girl.
The pansexual girls are essentially different than bisexual in the sense that bisexual folks check every one of the two gender boxes, as in “I like girls” and “I like guys.” That potentially leaves in the middle some androgynous folks whom it’s hard to classify as either gender, based on observation anyway. As I understand things, pansexual people essentially throw the checklist away and they respond to people across the entire gender spectrum. As one pansexual girl phrased it, if the person is hot, that’s all there is to it. Gender doesn’t feature in her math.
I would guess that there were more than a hundred students, and that 95% of them were female.
The audience questions were respectful and smart. Many questions were specifically for me. The focus in my case was not so much whom I’m attracted to but rather who is attracted to me, and why.
I categorized these folks as follows:
– Females who like the shape of male privates and, um, the type of sensation that such a configuration typically provides, Even so, they don’t particularly like male culture. For them, I’m the best of both worlds: female brain, male-shaped private parts, otherwise a female-looking body, face and hair, albeit with some male-looking nuances.
– Transgender females who view me as an inspiring role model and yet there’s some sexually attraction to me too.
– Cross-dressing males who also view me as an inspiring role model, as to my style, looks and openness, to the point where they are sexually attracted to me.
– Males who are attracted to girls like me for whatever reason, and who like the type of sexual interaction where they are the bottom, sexually.
– Males who are attracted to girls like me for whatever reason, and who like the type of sexual interaction where they are the top, sexually.
For relationships and intimacy, I prefer female sexual interaction but I certainly am also attracted to males in the latter group. I’m trying to keep this blog from becoming R-rated so I’ll leave it at that.
The audience also seemed interested in my transitioning process, in an understanding and encouraging way. They seemed to frown when I described myself as a genetic freak but I quickly added information to explain that my nature puts me in the same category as four-leaf clovers and black panthers, and that it’s not necessarily a bad thing.
The audience also seemed to like hearing how I have encountered and overcome obstacles and adversity and yet how so much of it was imaginary, e.g., me planning out “what-if” scenarios as opposed to running into real problems. Actual examples of the latter are very rare.
I also explained how some males have a problem with the concept of being gay, especially as it pertains to them. So, when they find themselves sexually attracted to a transgender girl, they mistakenly categorize her as male and also mistakenly categorize themselves as gay (in addition to the mistaken premise that there’s anything wrong with being gay). These three ideas in combination make the relevant male person very uncomfortable with himself especially when he is among his peers. His stereotypical reaction is to be mean to the transgender girl in an effort to obscure his own mental anguish.
This is what’s implied in “homophobic.” The fear, the phobia, is for the person’s own sexuality by his own observation and evaluation. He is the one with the pain and the problem. I’m just the catalyst. I’m not sympathetic because such males are paying the price for their own bad ideas, and they’re making the planet less pleasant for me, for themselves and for whomever is around at the time they misbehave.
After the official session was over, one member of the audience came over to me, gave me a hug, asked some more questions, made some nice observations, and wished me well.
It was a very positive evening, and the audience left with a richer understanding of sexuality. This is precisely the sort of cultural improvement that, in the long run, makes the world a nicer place — which is the sort of thing I’d expect from anything done under the auspices of Dr. Tory Clark.